Sometimes

We're not supposed to always get what we want in life was told to me by my parents at a very young age. Sometimes we shouldn't get the job without going through difficulties. Sometimes like right now, it feels good to listen to depressing music and be a complete lazy ass while not getting anything productive done even though the list is growing. Sometimes it's good to get lost because you end up at your destination sooner or later and might have found a pretty road. Sometimes it's good to be in awkward situations. Last week my girlfriends and I were at a friends house and this guy who I had no romantic interest in asked if he could kiss me. I said no and things just got pretty awkward the rest of the night. Maybe i thought it was cute for a guy to ask to kiss a girl in the movies when i was 13 years-old. But I'm in my twenties and that's just not cute. Sometimes knowing that you text your girlfriends the most pointless or inappropriate text messages constantly throughout the day is comforting in a weird way. I love my girlfriends more than anything and am so grateful to have such loyal/funny/beautiful/understanding/always there for me people. I used to have more guy friends than girls growing up, but that's def. changed. Sometimes I like getting a bad haircut because it humbles me as a person. yup. totally makes me a little bit more insecure as a person and makes me wanna put a bag on my head for the next two weeks. And sometimes you just need to hear that your loved by someone that you care about. Because that's what gets you through tougher times and warms the soul. Pure honest love no matter what the circumstances are. Sometimes it's just nice to find 10 bucks in a jacket from last winter. Sometimes I like to go out of my way and talk to people for no reason, because most of the time when people talk to other people randomly it's because they want something. So apet peeve although of course I'm guilty of it sometimes. Sometimes I over analyze my decisions in life, but guess I wouldn't be the person I was if a single moment changed in the past.

Today I...

• Had a meeting to see if I would be interested in doing an entrepanuer (can't spell that) thing during the summer. Decided it def. wasn't for me, but couldn't decide if the dude who was telling me about it had a wedding ring on or it was just a ring. But wow he was gorrrgeeeeous
• Saw my cousin at  school for the first time EVER. We'll both be in Germany at the same time, hope I see her :)
• Talked to my ex boyfriend this morning, found out some devasting news about his family :(
• Failed my sociology test probably
• Added this guy on facebook and wrote him a message pretending I thought I met him last weekend, just to start conversation and cuz i liked his style. He fell for it.
• Burned 900+ calories at the gym
• Found my party and stoked tomorrow's Thursday.

Wrong Choices on purpose?

I realize when I'm making bad decisions that I'll regret later, but when am I going to realize nothing good comes from them? Do people like making "bad" decisions or give into temptaion because it's more fun than being bored. I guess that's my problem. I guess I like to choose  guys who aren't available or who I would never see a future with because it's "safe" from any emotional attachment. Because with emotional attachment comes hopes and when hopes are let down comes dissapointment. I must have a fear of rejection or just a huge wall up because oh my goodness maybe there actually is decent guys out there. This is nothing new for me, but the older I get the realize I need to man the fuck up and grow up and actually put myself out there to give these dudes a chance. Just because they have horrible fashion sense, doesn't mean they don't have goals in life. Just because he's short doesn't mean hes not funny. Just because he's shy at first doesn't mean he's a failure at life. I always manage to find something wrong with any "potential" dude. And let me tell you, it's starting to eat at me. I'm gonna be single for life if I continue this. Yikes.

11-3-10

    Talked to a counselor today at school. TWO more freaking classes till I graudate. It's so close I can taste it, but also feels sooooo far away. I need to find an internship so I have one ready when I get back from Paris and can actually enjoy my trip.
   Lil Wayne gets out of prison tonight. do you know how excited I am? It's like friggin Summer in the begenning of November. I miss my little sister so much lately. A lot to do tomorrow as usual. Goodnight.